Fat and Fucked

Fat and Fucked, Ep. 10 - On Dr. Sexyfat’s Couch : Candid Conversations on Fantasies, Functioning and Sexual Self-discovery

Hey there, fellow liberationists! Welcome to another episode of "Fat and Fucked" with your hosts, Suzy Hooker and Krista Nabar. In this episode our resident sexpert, Dr. Sexyfat, answers a bunch of listener questions about porn, sexual authenticity, nakedness, and sexual functioning among other things.

 

Before we dive into the Q&A, let's catch you up on what's been happening. Suzy, who has a resting bitch face (which doesn't mean she hates you, by the way), and Krista, a sex therapist (not a sex educator), start by talking about the concept of Fat Joy and why it is inherently an act of resistance. Experiencing joy in the very bodies we are constantly being told to eradicate is resistance.

 

The first question we tackle is about concerns regarding the adult film industry and pornography. Krista takes a porn-neutral stance and emphasizes the need for sex education and porn literacy. Next, we explore the topic of SSRIs and their impact on sexual functioning. It turns out that these medications can affect arousal, orgasm, and desire. Krista suggests resetting expectations and being open to new strategies for sexual stimulation.

We then shift gears a bit and delve into body acceptance and fat liberation. Insecurities about our bodies can still arise in intimate situations, even if we are fat liberationists, but it's important not to let them determine our behavior.

 

We hope you enjoy this episode of "Fat and Fucked" and find some valuable insights along the way. Remember to keep sending us your questions and feedback. We love hearing from you!

 

FatFabFree@gmail.com or @fatandfuckedpod on Instagram

 

And If you’d like to support the show you can do so at patreon.com/fatandfuckedpodcast.

 

Resources

 

Dear Abby - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dear_Abby

Dan Savage - advice column: https://savage.love/savagelove/

• Known for being fatphobic, but is also racist, misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, etc. https://blogofstench.livejournal.com/577818.html

• Articles written in Seattle’s The Stranger in which he published a fatphobic article, Fat Liberationist Lindy West published a response calling him on it, he responded by doubling down etc. This took place while he was her editor.

  • Lindy’s response - https://www.thestranger.com/blogs/2011/02/11/6716603/hello-i-am-fat

  • Dan’s follow-up to Lindy’s response - https://www.thestranger.com/blogs/2011/02/14/6753867/hello-im-not-the-enemy

Impact of SSRIs on Sexual Functioning -

Rosen RC, Lane RM, Menza M. Effects of SSRIs on sexual function: a critical review. J Clin Psychopharmacol. 1999 Feb;19(1):67-85. doi: 10.1097/00004714-199902000-00013. PMID: 9934946.

Brene Brown TED Talk on the relationship between vulnerability and connection - https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en

00:08:54 Dr. Sexyfat helps explore sexy topics.

00:15:28 Difficulty getting unbiased info about porn industry. Issues with pay for femmes in industry.

00:18:37 Porn without literacy normalizes harmful sexual scripts.

00:22:17 Ethical porn pays actors, ensures diversity, authenticity, and better experience.

00:31:51 Spontaneous vs. Responsive desire

00:32:49 Understanding sexual desire, exploring changes, resetting expectations.

00:43:12 Authenticity, connection, vulnerability, trust in dating.

00:46:29 Talking about sex, values, and timing of milestones in relationships.

00:53:17 Mindfulness exercises to stay focused in sexual encounters.

00:58:19 Mindfulness enhances sexual experience; explore novel activities.

 

Fat and Fucked, Ep. 9 - See? We Told You Weight Stigma Was The Problem! Dr. Asher Larmie and Jeanette Thompson Wessen Set The Record Straight

Welcome to a new episode of Fat and Fucked, hosted by Dr. Krista Nabar and Suzy Hooker. We are so glad you made it since this is THE EPISODE you need to hear! We have two incredible guests joining us for an extremely valuable conversation. Dr. Asher Larmie (he/they) and Jeanette Thompson-Wessen (she/her) settle the score on why fat liberation PROMOTES health rather than detracts from it.

 

Jeanette and Asher share their intimate connection with fatness and fat liberation, and their paths to becoming outspoken advocates of fat liberation. One of the core themes we discuss is weight stigma and its detrimental impact on an individual's health. We also touch on the importance of fat visibility and representation. Throughout the episode, we question the notion of "health" and its distorted portrayal in society. We challenge the assumption that being fat automatically signifies an inability to care for oneself. Instead, we explore how systemic barriers prevent access to quality healthcare for fat individuals and how weight-centered healthcare approaches fail to prioritize well-being.

 

Drawing from their own experiences and expertise, Asher and Jeanette confidently debunk the myth that intentional weight loss improves long-term health outcomes. Instead, they advocate for rejecting diet culture and embracing self-care through body acceptance. Join us on this thought-provoking and enlightening episode as we dive into the complexities of weight stigma, fat liberation, and the true meaning of health. Let's embrace a more inclusive and compassionate world together.

 

If you are loving the pod, please write us a review and a 5-star rating! This is an excellent way to show your support and will help us grow!

 

Resources

 

Where to find Jeanette Thompson-Wessen: website - themindsetnutritionist.podia.com (check out her courses and substack!); Instagram - @themindsetnutritionist

 

Where to find Dr. Asher Larmie: website - fatdoctor.co.uk (Check out their Masterclasses and books!), Instagram - @thefatdoctor

 

Why we don’t use “ob*sity” - https://withinhealth.com/learn/articles/why-using-the-word-obese-is-a-problem

 

What is Health At Every Size (HAES)? - https://asdah.org/health-at-every-size-haes-approach/

 

What is Intuitive Eating? - the book: https://read.macmillan.com/lp/intuitive-eating-4th-edition/

The principles: https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/

 

Nic McDermid - https://www.nicmcdermid.com/

 

Time Stamps

[00:23:49] Distorted health messages blame individuals instead of society.

[00:29:37] Governments oppressing marginalized communities through lack of access.

[00:35:12] Novo Nordisk profits soar with weight loss injections.

[00:39:18] Fat liberationists struggle with dwindling numbers due to weight loss drugs.

[00:42:58] Doctors spreading troubling misinformation about weight loss and health.

[00:50:26] Weight cycling worsens health; “weight loss paradox.”

[00:56:25] Difference between disordered eating and eating disorders in fat people may be nonsensical. Fat people likely have a history of what is considered disordered eating but is actually an eating disorder. Doctors prescribe eating disorders to fat people.

[01:01:59] Dieting, weight stigma, and eating disorders.

 

Fat and Fucked, Ep. 8 - Lovin’ and Ignorin’: Why Our Faves Won’t Hear What We’re Saying

Fat and Fucked made it to episode 8, where most podcasts go to die. And what a journey it has been! This episode offers a vulnerable discussion of the challenges and successes that Suzy and Krista have had building Fat and Fucked from the ground up. Shocker, it’s been a lot of work, but also a highly rewarding experience! The hosts then share some of the feedback they have gotten from loved ones who struggle with aspects of fat liberation to the degree that they won’t listen to the F&F. They take the opportunity to address some of the objections and impediments and offer strategies for listeners to reflect on their own experience of the podcast and integrate anything they have learned into their lives.

 

Fat and Fucked could really use your help in two ways to continue creating great content and growing the podcast:

 

1. Send us your recommendations for fat folks with important things to say who you want to hear on the podcast. We are especially looking for guests who have marginalized identities in addition to fatness.

2. Positive reviews are really important for the success of podcasts! Please take some time and write us a good review on the platform you get your podcasts from.

 

Resources:

 

Fat and Fucked on Listen Notes: https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/fat-and-fucked-where-fat-sex-and-fat-nsBev0ykWYf/

 

Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy: https://drlaurenfogel.com/; Instagram: @drlaurenfogelmersy

 

Weight bias in the workplace: https://sloanreview.mit.edu/article/the-opportunity-costs-of-weight-bias-at-work/

 

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220411-the-unspoken-weight-discrimination-problem-at-work

Research on weight stigma having a negative impact on health

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34749889/

 

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/eclinm/article/PIIS2589-5370(22)00138-9/fulltext

 

Lady Gaga’s meat dress: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meat_dress_of_Lady_Gaga

Time Stamps:

 

00:04:34 Learning curve in technical production; transition to home studios and distribution channels was intense.

00:12:18 Busy, overwhelmed, struggling to find balance.

00:17:19 Friendship requires navigating challenging conversations

00:23:04 AI flags "fat" due to negative associations.

00:30:22 Feedback for hosts matters in our inclusive journey.

00:41:09 Fat liberation journey brings self-care and empowerment.

00:48:19 Weight loss doesn't equal improved health.

00:58:14 Fat sex is different, needs acknowledgement and discussion.

01:06:16 Liberation Integration Task

Fat and Fucked, Ep. 7 - Body Image, Desire, and Sexuality: Unraveling Society’s Sexy Script with Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy

Episode 7 is a must-listen for anyone who has struggled with sexual desire and libido, either their own or their partner’s. Hosts Suzy and Krista are joined by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her), a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She owns her own private practice in Minnesota, and is the co-author of the book Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships. Dr. Fogel Mersy brings both her expertise as a leading voice on the complexity of desire as well lived experience as a person on the fat spectrum much of her life. She brings it all together in this episode with practical applications that can help lay the foundation for change now. If you aren’t already following Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy, now is a great time!

 

Instagram: @drlaurenfogelmersy

TikTok: @drlaurenfogelmersy

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drlaurenfogelmersy

 

Other resources:

 

Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships by Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer Vencill - https://drlaurenfogel.com/book/

 

The Origins of Attachment Theory: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth - https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1993-01038-001

 

Eli Coleman Institute for Sexual and Gender Health - https://med.umn.edu/sexualhealth

Zumanity by Cirque du Soleil - https://www.lasvegasdirect.com/zumanity-cirque-du-soleil/

Maintenance Phase podcast with Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes

Sexual Desire Discrepancy as a Feature, not a Bug, of Long Term Relationships: Women’s Self-Reported Strategies for Modulating Sexual Desire - https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jsm.12625

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Come-As-You-Are-Revised-and-Updated/Emily-Nagoski/9781982165314

Dual Control Model of Sexual Response by Janssen and Bancroft - https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/dual-control-model.php

Ironic Process Theory, Daniel Wegner - https://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/10/unwanted-thoughts

The Body is Not An Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor - https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/

Curvy Girl Sex: 101 Body Positive Positions to Empower Your Sex Life by Elle Chase - https://www.ellechase.com/curvy-girl-sex

 

Time Stamps

[00:11:00] Desire differences cause relationship and individual distress.

[00:14:05] Body change in relationships impacts sexual desire.

[00:22:48] Expect and embrace differences in relationships. Avoid blaming lower libido partner. Challenges of adhering to sexual scripts.

[00:31:11] Heteronormative bias: Shared load improves desire, connection.

[00:36:50] Trial and error in quieting thoughts, acceptance.

[00:42:20] Importance of intersectionality in understanding libido.

[00:45:15] Different desires, validating lower libido, finding pleasure.

[00:54:19] Love yourself, but also connect with others.

[00:59:26] Attachment therapy trendy, not binary, nuanced.

[01:04:57] Finding pleasure in small, present moments daily.

 

Fat and Fucked, Ep. 6 - The Intersection of Blackness, Fatness, and Sex: A Conversation with Sex Therapist and Educator Ceara Corry

Fat and Fucked, Ep. 6 - The Intersection of Blackness, Fatness, and Sex: A Conversation with Sex Therapist and Educator Ceara Corry

 

“I don’t see color. I see everyone as part of the HUMAN race. I treat everyone equally.” This is how many white folx were taught to think about race specifically and individual differences more broadly. This perspective, however, does not account for our own unconscious bias, which we all have, nor does it allow us to acknowledge the tangible differences in the lived experiences of Black folx, especially those who are fat. Hosts Suzy and Krista are joined by their first ever podcast guest, Ceara Corry, a sex therapist and educator, for a complex discussion on bodies and sex in the Black community.

 

Have a listen, write a review wherever you get your podcasts, and give Ceara a follow on Instagram @ceethesexlady. You can support the show at Patreon.com/FatandFuckedPodcast.

 

Resources and references:

 

• Ceara Corry - www.Ceethesexlady.com, Instagram @ceethesexlady

• Carolina Sexual Wellness Center (CSWC) - www.carolinaswc.org

• Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fatphobia by Sabrina Strings - https://nyupress.org/9781479886753/fearing-the-black-body/

• Survival of the Thickest starring Michelle Buteau on Netflix (Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOKrWpaG5kk

• Danielle Brooks - @daniebb3 on Instagram

• Lizzo - @lizzobeeating on Instagram (This episode was recorded prior to the allegations surfacing regarding Lizzo’s treatment of her dancers.)

• Amber Riley - @msamberpriley on Instagram

• Roxane Gay - https://roxanegay.com/

• Dr. Tressie McMillan Cottom - https://tressiemc.com/

• The Liberator - https://www.liberator.com/

• Jessamyn Stanley - https://jessamynstanley.com/, Instagram @mynameisjessamyn

 

Fat and Fucked, Ep. 5 - Lexicon Lollapalooza: The Weight of Our Words

If you have listened to other episodes of Fat and Fucked and thought “What the hell are they talking about?” or “Why are they using THAT word?” then this episode is for you! Suzy and Krista will talk about the words they use on their fat liberation and social justice journey, and will breakdown the misconceptions and confusion so that we all have a common language on our Fat and Fucked expedition. Have a listen and if you are so moved, think about sharing, subscribing, or reviewing; it really helps us find more listeners. You can support the show at Patreon.com/fatandfuckedpodcast.

 

Show Notes!

How the suffragette movement gained the right to vote by throwing black women under the bus  Unlearning History: The Women's Suffrage Movement

NYC passes bill banning weight discrimination

Jenny Craig isn't dead after all - BOO!

Emily Nagoski's  Come As You Are

Fat and Fucked Ep. 4 - The Goonies and One-Eyed Willies Treasure: A Metaphor for Our Search for Healthy Sexuality

Episode #4: The Goonies and One-Eyed Willy’s Treasure: A Metaphor for our Search for Healthy Sexuality

 

We are going on an adventure in search of healthy sexuality, and conquering the societal booby traps that keep us away from embodiment, autonomy, and pleasure! Join hosts Suzy and Krista as they discuss the impediments we all face in our sexual development while centering the conversation around the unique challenges faced by fat folks. This episode is a great place to start on your own quest to become a sexually whole adult. If you like what you hear, consider writing a review and sharing it with others. You can also support the show at Patreon.com/fatandfuckedpodcast.

 

We would also like to acknowledge that we realized in post-production that there is significant anti-fat bias in how one of the characters is portrayed and treated within the film. The character “Chunk” is classic fat-as-funny fat representation. By centering this episode around this movie, we want to make sure to acknowledge that we are not condoning this type of fat representation and hope for better from filmmakers in the future.

 

Resources from the episode:

The Goonies - https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089218/

 

Sexual assault statistics - https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

 

Testosterone and sex - https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/the-facts-about-testosterone-and-sex

 

A great discussion of the Orgasm Gap in Becoming Cliterate by Laurie Mintz - https://www.drlauriemintz.com/becoming-cliterate

Among many other things, Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski includes a discussion of Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire - https://www.emilynagoski.com/home

 

Fat and Fucked Ep. 3 - It’s Not Paranoia If It’s True: The Covert Nature of Anti-Fatness

Anti-fatness is insidious, and we are intentionally misled about fatness and fat people which leads most of us on an all-consuming venture to shrink our bodies or make sure we don’t get fat in the first place. Join Suzy and Krista as they locate the reason for this misinformation in the context of systemic gaslighting that is pushing us toward weight loss while making many corporations and industries billions. Don’t forget to submit questions about sex, sexuality, and fat bodies for Krista (AKA Dr. Sexyfat) to answer in upcoming episodes! And If you’d like to support the show you can do so at patreon.com/fatandfuckedpodcast.

 

• “Gaslight” (1944) movie clip - https://www.google.com/search?q=Gaslight+movie+clips&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS837US837&oq=Gaslight+movie+clips&aqs=chrome..69i57j0i390i650l4.5305j0j15&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:74536d9a,vid:BICqcEvzhVw

• Merriam - Webster Definition “gaslight” - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting

• AAP Clinical Practice Guideline for the Evaluation and Treatment of Children and Adolescents with Obesity https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/151/2/e2022060640/190443/Clinical-Practice-Guideline-for-the-Evaluation-and?autologincheck=redirected

• Increase in eating disorders in older adults: https://systematicreviewsjournal.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13643-021-01823-1

• Fatness predicts low self-esteem. https://bmcpublichealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12889-021-12381-5

• Global weight management market size https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/weight-management-market#:~:text=The%20global%20weight%20management%20market%20size%20was%20estimated%20at%20USD,the%20weight%20management%20market%20growth%3F

• Havard Implicit Association Test - https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html

• Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move Campaign - https://letsmove.obamawhitehouse.archives.gov/